Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Post Tax Season Breather

April 15th came and went and I couldn't be more pleased with myself. It was my first REAL tax season as a tax accountant. I learned a great deal of information and can honestly say I understand taxes much better than last year and can really hold my own. It was such a rewarding experience for me.

Tax season however proved to be very draining and even more so for my family. During those three months, I had to put in some long hours. On most days I would arrive past 8pm and worked every single Saturday for a full work day. While I was learning and really appreciating what I did, my family felt my absence. It was very tough on me.

Every morning my daughter would tell me how much she missed me and how she did not want me to leave for work. She would call me out and tell me I didn't spend any time with her. She was right and I felt terrible about it. Yet selfishly I didn't know what I could do. The last thing I wanted to do after a 12-14hr day was play blocks with a toddler. All I wanted to do was rest. The house chores fell behind significantly, the house was a constant mess, there were dishes piling up, laundry still in bags, just a mess.

God bless my husband that he did try to help but frankly the man isn't very good with housework. He did his best to take care of the baby when he got home from work and to entertain her on Saturdays but he's a man. Although I know that isn't an excuse, he just doesn't do the house work thing very well. It takes him twice as long as it would take me.

Every night he would call me and ask me what time I was getting home and every night and every Saturday I had to remind him, "Babe, it's tax season." BUT April 15th is now over and work has taken a DRASTIC slow down and I couldn't be happier. My husband is happy and so is my baby. This past Saturday I cleaned the whole house, took the baby out to Coney Island and had some quality family time. I get home on time now, between 6 and 630 and spend time with the baby and hubby.

I'm glad that my job is only ever demanding for three months out of the year, the other nine are cruising. Although its difficult, I know my family will learn to understand and see it as only temporary. I love what I do although time consuming and sometimes boring, but its what I've always wanted to be. I'm working my degree and not many people can say that. But yes...GOODBYE TAX SEASON! Until we meet again!

Monday, April 14, 2014

The Working Mom

For most mothers, having to return to work after having your child comes out of necessity and financial strain. Unfortunately the same circumstances forced me to go back into the work force this past February.

I was lucky enough to find a position in my field of study. Praise the Lord that he allowed me the opportunity to work as a staff accountant. Being an accountant has been my "dream" position if you will. I've been trying to get a position in accounting since I began my degree in 2009. I completed my master's degree in December and I found my current position in February. It was exciting news for us because unemployment had already run out and we were struggling on just my husband's salary. It was bittersweet. At the same moment I received the call, I looked at my daughter. She looked up at me as she played with her toys on our living room floor. My eyes watered up immediately. This was it. I had to leave her. At that point, I had been at home with her for close to a year. I loved being a stay at home mom. It was great! I had everything down to a science when it came to Chloe and caring for the home. I really enjoyed it and if it wasn't for our financial needs...I would've never returned to work. I was able to experience so much when I was home with her. I watched her grow. I watched her intelligence and vocabulary increase. My house never looked better. lol. But I had to leave and it was hard. I was excited because I was finally able to work but I was sad and anxious because I had to leave my Chloe behind.

My husband and I were very blessed that his mother was able to step up and watch the baby for us. She is great with her and the best part....she follows all our rules. I can't stress how absolutely imperative it was for us that Chloe be kept on schedule for her nap, feedings and the potty training. I worked hard to get my Chloe where she was. I needed someone to keep up with what I had accomplished. I thank God for my mother in law. She gets it.

Being a working mom, however, brings a slew of new issues. I need to learn to balance my time and energy. I have a toddler who is very high energy and wants my complete attention when I get home. Tax season is pretty draining so its difficult to try to keep up with her. I want to spend endless amounts of time with her but I'm tired and slightly cranky. I want to get home and unwind from the day but that's not usually possible. Chloe doesn't understand Mommy just went through stacks of tax returns and financial information. She doesn't understand the waking up super early and the commute time. The only thing she understands is Hi Mommy, I'm so happy you're home. Let's play! I must admit I don't give her my full attention. In my head, I really want to but I just don't. I don't know how to muster the energy. A lesson I have to learn.

I also have to make sure to devote time and energy to my husband. He gets home just as tired but he musters the energy to play with the baby much better than I do. Thank God for that. But I know he needs me as well. I need to give him time. I need to listen to him and talk with him, probably just as much as he needs to do the same with me. The problem with that? We only have time for ourselves when the baby goes to sleep. She's usually out by 10pm but by then...I'm exhausted. I try to stay up. I try to focus but I'm usually down for the count around 11pm.

I know I still have a lot of learning and adjusting to do. The last time I worked she was a lot younger and didn't require so much attention and energy. She was a baby. Now its a completely different experience with a very rambunctious toddler. Hopefully once tax season is over and we move into our new apartment, things will be easier.

How do you juggle your time?

Monday, January 6, 2014

The "Big Bed"

I put Chloe to bed last night a little before 10pm for the night. She went down with no problems. I told her a quick bed time story, sang twinkle twinkle little star, said "I Love you" and closed the door behind me. My husband and I stayed up late so we can do whatever we didn't get to do while she was awake and spend some time together talking and watching TV. Around 2am, we were getting ready to get to bed when we heard Chloe wake up with a cry. We turned off everything and went in to the room to soothe her and get ourselves to sleep as well. Upon entry into the room, a little someone was sitting up in her bed, wide eyed and bushy tailed. "Oh no," I thought to myself. I was tired and really didn't want to have to stay up any longer to get her sleepy again. I picked her up to soothe her. She had awoken from a nightmare. She said she dreamt with monsters and wanted to sleep in the "big bed".

I put her between my husband and I. Selfishly I guess because I knew she would cuddle with us and fall right to sleep. I told Jeff, I would wait until she was tired enough and I would put her back to her bed myself. She immediately cuddled close to me, I put my head on her head and closed my eyes. When I opened my eyes again...It was 6am! I was on the very edge of the bed, I swear I would've fallen if I made a wrong move. Chloe was in the curve of my back, making me arch my back in a very uncomfortable position. I decided to get up and bring her to her bed at that hour. I picked her up, laid her down, covered her and tried to go back to my own bed. Took her about two seconds before she was up again and asking to go back to the big bed. I just brought her back into bed with me and we kept sleeping. I slept on the edge of the bed for the rest of the night/early morning. I tried to move her to her father's side of the bed after he went to work but she just woke up and wanted to play.

Currently I have a horrible back ache, my eyes are tired and I'm not the happiest camper. Note to self, sleep is better with two...not three!

Do you sleep with your child? How's your experience with it?

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Makes me wanna...SCREAM

I think I'm a very patient, loving and understanding person but there are some days where all the wrong buttons are pushed and I feel like I'm going to lose it and scream. Today was one of those days. The culprit? A certain three foot tall diva that calls herself Co-ee.

Last night we brought in the New Year at church. We celebrated with our fellow brothers and sisters and ate some finger foods. We arrived in our house at about 1:30am and we all went to bed around 2. I thought for sure Chloe would sleep in since she went to bed so late, but she didn't. Chloe woke up around 9 and I couldn't be more grouchy. I was able to get her to sleep another hour with me in the bed between my husband and I but that was it. She was up and ready to play. Luckily my husband saw how tired I was and took the baby to the living room to watch cartoons. I thank God for him because I just needed a little more time to sleep if I was going to function properly.

The afternoon went along just fine. We played. Missy was potty training. It was going well...until I heard something fall. About a minute later, Chloe brings me my iPad and yes...the worse that could happen...did happen. The entire screen was cracked and I almost had a heart attack. I was so upset I almost cried. I love my iPad. I use it daily and care for it and now the entire screen was cracked. Not even a small corner...the WHOLE screen! Chloe saw how upset I was and I believe she was genuinely sorry. She put her head down and looked sad too. I kept telling her "Look what you did! You broke my iPad!" I was SOOO mad at her. The part that caught me off guard though was when she came, hugged me and told me "Mommy, I sorry I broke your iPad."I forgave her immediately but I was just so upset. I thanked her for her apology but that wasn't going to fixed my cracked screen. Thankfully my husband put warranty on it. He went to BestBuy for me and it was still covered. They would actually give me a new one to replace it! I guess she did me a favor on that one. However, the incident still left me with a bit of a bad mood and a short fuse.

After her nap she was back to terrorizing. She wrote on the wall, her toys and herself. She made lots of messes and refused to listen. I swear I tried so hard not to blow up on her. She even hit  me. I thought for sure I was going to lose it.  I didn't thankfully...but I wanted to. I just couldn't handle her today. Praise God that my husband was off today. He definitely helped alleviate the pressure and took over when I had moments that I just HAD to walk away from her. I know toddlers are difficult. They get into everything and test every boundary there is. Today was just one of those rare days were everything was going wrong and all I wanted to do was yell at the top of my lungs.

I love my daughter to death. She's my everything. Everything I do, I do for her. Today she just drove me past some limits. I'm glad though that I found ways to try to deal with my stress and NOT take it out on her. She's only 2. I can't hold her accountable for much. She doesn't understand. Definitely, though, walking away for a second helps clear the air so you can get back on track. Tomorrow she'll probably misbehave again but I'll be able to handle it and get through the day.

Has your baby driven you to a breaking point?

Sunday, December 15, 2013

My little drama queen

I don't think I've met a toddler with more sass and personality then my own daughter. She is the queen of dramatics and overacting. I might have to find a toddler acting class because I'm sure she can be a star. Why do I say this? Well miss thing has learned to roll her eyes but not only that she has also learned to faint on command. Now...I'm not an actress and don't have too much time for dramatic behavior so I have NO IDEA how this child learned these things. I watch the same shows she does...they don't faint!

Yesterday she was in her father's arms. They were playing together. One thing leads to another, she doesn't like something he said to her...then she "fainted" in his arms. Literally let herself go limp, closed her eyes and opened her mouth a little. My husband shook her a little and she didn't move. We asked what was wrong and she didn't answer. We called out her name and she said "I can't hear you." (Still with her eyes closed and limp body). "Why can't you hear us?" We asked her. No answer. "Have you fainted?" She said "I think so.".....SAY WHAT?! What an actress! I literally cannot believe this!

And to add to the sass when she doesn't like something she proceeds to roll her eyes at you. I do not know what to do with her. I don't know whether to laugh, enable her acting or discipline her.

#toddlerproblems. lol.

What is your child up to?

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

How am I supposed to breathe with no air?

Having a toddler is one of the most difficult jobs I've undertaken to date. It is very time and energy consuming. Today was one of those days where I felt completely drained and overtaken by a three-foot tall terrorist.

Today Chloe was extra needy, extra clingy, extra whiney and extra getting on my last nerve. Today she barely took a nap so I didn't get much time to myself in the afternoon. All I was able to do was eat some lunch. I tried to entertain her by taking her to the park and try to get out some extra energy, but I think it was counterproductive because she apparently became overly tired when we got home. From 5:45pm to about 9:30pm, she was all whines and cries, for no apparent reason at all. Well, I do know why. She was tired and didn't know how to relax and wind down. She barely napped and just couldn't find a way to keep calm.

I tried to give her dinner first so she could be well fed and then I would eat when her father got home. She ate a small amount but stopped when she saw her father walk through the door. I didn't think anything of it. I knew she would probably eat a little later. I served myself and my husband dinner and it was a show from there. Crying and wanting to climb on top of me while I was eating. Normally I don't mind holding her but I absolutely HATE being bothered when I am eating. Its like a sacred time for me. Hence the reason why she is fed first then me. I would rather wait hours then attempt to eat at the same time as my toddler. But no, I couldn't enjoy my meal and my husband wasn't in the best mood either because she was adding stress to him when he came home already stressed from work. He wasn't able to wind down either. He was a trooper though and took her to the room to lay down and watch cartoons. My reprieve didn't last long because she wanted me to lay down with her as well.

I tried to put her down for the night around 9:30pm. She gave me a really hard time. Periodically waking up every 30mins. Just when I was getting comfortable I had to go back into the room to soothe her and put her back to sleep.

I just feel like a fish out of water. I'm tense because I'm waiting for the next cry from the banshee. No time for me, no time to relax, even when she's supposed to be sleeping. By the time I finally get some down time...I'll be too tired to even stay up myself. Ugh.

Today was just a difficult day. Tomorrow will be better....I hope.

Has your child driven you up the wall? Made you feel like pulling your hair out?

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

The NOT so Fit Mom

I restarted my diet yesterday with my husband. We follow a "modified" Atkins if you will. We don't follow the steps to the tee but we try to stick to low-carbing. It has been the most effective diet for the both of us. I can honestly say I don't feel hungry when I'm low-carbing. I initially went on the diet about a year ago. I wanted to take off all the pregnancy weight I gained. When I went in to give birth to Chloe, I weighed in at 215lbs! I had never been that big in my life! I gained 50lbs with the pregnancy. After I gave birth to Chloe, I lost 30lbs in about two weeks. I struggled with the last 20lbs but to be honest I wasn't doing anything about it. I ended up GAINING another 10lbs in Chloe's first year. I was so close to 200lbs again and I wasn't pregnant anymore! I put a stop to that immediately. I started low-carbing and by the grace of God, I lost 30lbs. I was able to reach my pre-pregnancy weight! I've been maintaining that weight consistently for the past year. I restarted again because I would like to lose another 30lbs so I can get to my weight in college.

First day back on I had to take two doses of Ibuprofen because I was withdrawing so bad! I have a small inkling of knowledge of what addicts must feel when they go through withdrawals. I know its not the same but the headaches were migraine status and all because I was starting to eat right. I also cut out the soda. I'm only drinking water. I also tried to incorporate a nice 30min walk. I dusted off the jogging stroller and took Chloe out for a walk with me. She enjoyed the scenery and I tried to get my cardio in the only way I could. Boy was I tired 15mins into the walk. I am so out of shape. I was just walking! I was determined, however, to finish the walk! I did exactly 30mins and I could barely function. I plopped myself down on my couch and couldn't move! That God Tickety Tock was on because I don't know how I would've entertained Chloe otherwise! I know its because I've been living a pretty sedentary lifestyle for the past year. I'm really out of shape but I'm determined to get back into shape and turn those 30min walks into 30min runs! One day at a time!

How about you? Are you a fit mom or dad? Trying to get there? Let me know your experiences. I would love to hear them.